7 Stages of Grief – Order, Differences and Breakup Insights

Grief is a universal human experience, yet there is no single path through it. While many people have heard of the five stages of grief, a more detailed framework has emerged in recent decades, often referred to as the seven stages. This model attempts to capture a broader emotional journey, particularly in the context of relationship breakups. Understanding these stages can provide a helpful map, but it is crucial to remember that grief is a deeply personal process, not a rigid checklist.

This guide explores the seven stages of grief in detail, examines how they differ from the classic five-stage model, and looks at what experts and official health bodies in the UK say about navigating loss.

What Are the 7 Stages of Grief in Order?

The most commonly cited version of the seven-stage model presents a sequence that includes initial shock and a final phase of processing. It is important to note that this specific seven-stage sequence is not part of the original Kübler-Ross model from the 1960s, but rather a popularized expansion used in counseling and support groups. A widely recognized order is: Shock, Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance & Hope, and Processing.

Overview at a Glance

Key Insights on the 7 Stages

• The 7 stages are not a rigid checklist; people move through them in any order and may revisit stages.
• The 5-stage model is more widely referenced in academic and medical contexts, but the 7-stage model is increasingly used in counselling.
• Guilt is sometimes listed as a separate stage in the 7-stage model (e.g., Care England), but other versions omit it or include it under bargaining.
• Official health bodies like the NHS do not endorse a fixed stage model; they describe grief as a personal journey.
• Books and PDFs on the 7 stages often combine the stages with practical exercises for processing grief.

Snapshot Facts

5 Stages vs. 7 Stages: Which Model Should You Know?

The most famous model of grief was developed by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her 1969 book, On Death and Dying. This model proposed five stages: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance. It was never intended as a rigid, linear progression. As the HelpGuide notes, Kübler-Ross stated there is “no typical response to loss,” and grief is as individual as life itself.

Reputable sources emphasize the non-linear nature of the original five stages. Cruse Bereavement Support, a major UK bereavement charity, explains that the stages are often presented as sequential, but they are not often experienced in order, and individuals may not experience all of them. Similarly, the Leicestershire Partnership NHS Trust states that people can experience the stages at different times and not in one particular order.

Why Do Some Models Use 7 Stages Instead of 5?

The seven-stage model is a specialized adaptation that emerged from grief counseling practice. It tends to include additional phases common to specific types of loss, particularly the end of a romantic relationship. For example, a seven-stage breakup-specific model includes stages like “Desperate for Answers” and “Relapse,” which capture the unique cycle of hope and disappointment following a breakup.

Applying the 7 Stages of Grief to a Breakup

When grief follows a romantic breakup, the emotional landscape can be especially turbulent. Organizations like Charlie Health have published a seven-stage model specifically tailored to this context. Their sequence is: Desperate for Answers, Denial, Bargaining, Relapse, Anger, Initial Acceptance, and Redirected Hope.

This model highlights phases that are particularly pronounced after a breakup. The “Relapse” stage, for example, describes the common experience of reaching out to an ex or emotionally slipping back into a state of hope. “Redirected Hope” marks the shift from focusing on the former partner to rebuilding one’s own identity and future.

A college counseling PDF titled “Stages of Grief After a Breakup” is available online and often restates the 5 stages within a breakup recovery context. However, it is important to understand that such resources are educational tools and not clinical standards.

Where to Find Official and Expert Information on the 7 Stages of Grief

Official health bodies like the NHS do not endorse a specific numbered stage model. The NHS describes grief as a natural process that varies from person to person, and it provides general guidance on coping with loss rather than a fixed sequence of stages. Some UK support groups, however, do reference the 7-stage framework as a helpful guide.

The Role of Books and Online Resources

The foundational book for the modern understanding of grief stages remains Kübler-Ross’s On Death and Dying. This work is supported by the Kübler-Ross Foundation and is a common reference in academic literature as well as on consumer health platforms like Healthline. While there are PDFs and handouts dedicated to the 7-stage model, they are typically created by counseling services or wellness websites and lack a single, universally accepted source.

Timeline of the Grief Stages Model

The concept of grief stages has evolved significantly over the past half-century.

1. 1969: Elisabeth Kübler-Ross publishes ‘On Death and Dying’, introducing the 5 stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance).
2. 1970s-1980s: The 5-stage model becomes widely popular, but critics argue grief is not linear.
3. 1990s-2000s: Grief counselors begin expanding the model to include shock and processing, forming the 7-stage framework.
4. Present: The 7-stage model is taught in many support groups and therapy settings, though no single version is universally accepted.

Certainty and Uncertainty in the Grief Model

Background on the Grief Model

The 7 stages of grief are rooted in the work of Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, who developed the 5 stages after observing terminally ill patients. Later practitioners expanded the model to include the initial shock and the final processing phase, reflecting more of the emotional journey that follows many types of loss, including breakups and major life changes. Critics argue that stage models oversimplify grief and may pressure people to ‘move through’ stages on a schedule.

The 7-stage model is more commonly used in English-speaking counseling contexts. In the UK, the NHS does not officially teach a stage model, but many support groups reference it. Cultural differences, such as how mourning is expressed, can also affect how stages manifest.

Quotes and Sources on the 7 Stages

“The 7 stages of grief: 1. Shock, 2. Denial, 3. Anger, 4. Bargaining, 5. Depression, 6. Acceptance and hope, 7. Processing grief.”

— HCF (Australia)

“The seven stages of grief are shock, denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance with hope, and processing. They may not occur in order.”

— Depth Counseling

“Grief is universal and often described as passing through five stages: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.”

— Healthline

Summary: Putting the 7 Stages into Perspective

The 7 stages of grief offer a more detailed framework than the classic 5-stage model, particularly for processing romantic breakups. However, the most important takeaway from all reputable sources, including the NHS and Cruse Bereavement Support, is that grief is profoundly individual and non-linear. You may skip stages, revisit them, or feel multiple emotions at once. For more details on this topic, you can read our article on the 7 stages of grief in order.

Frequently Asked Questions